Starting school can be a daunting task for a college freshman. There are endless lists of what you should take to the dorms to ensure a successful experience. What would be easier is if they’d just tell you what not to bring. So here you go:
Anything with John Belushi and/or the word “College” on it
Let your 14-year-old cousin have the sweatshirt, poster, travel coffee mug, and mouse pad. He will be the cool kid in study hall and your roommate won’t have to roll his eyes every time he enters the room.
All your books
You don’t need to impress anyone with your sophisticated taste in literature, and you certainly won’t have time to read them for fun. And if you’re going to a pretty good university, there might even be a library you can use. So don’t take up space that would be better used for shot glasses and IKEA catalogs.
Months of late-night infomercials told you owning one was necessary for your happiness, but that doesn’t mean you should schlep it to the dorm. Its jackhammer noise level won’t win you any friends, despite the promise of a well-blended beverage. Instead, plan on hanging out at the dining hall where someone else takes on the culinary creativity, and you can focus on appearing interesting to your floormates.
Your high school boyfriend or girlfriend
Not to ruin the mood, but you’re going to want a clean break. Long distance isn’t pretty, and you will both no doubt change drastically over the coming years. I know, it seems like you can just keep everything the same, watch Fight Club over the phone together and plan weekend reunions at Sugar Ray concerts, but the influx of new friends and new interests will likely prove too much for a high school romance to bear. The Greek system alone will take you guys out. Sorry.
Laminated list of tips for surviving college from your favorite high school teacher
He was wrong and the list was likely prompted by a dare from another teacher. Three weeks of high school is not equivalent to one college class. Going in undeclared does not make you an equal opportunity whore. And that intricate note-taking system he outlined might prove an effective way to keep the events of the Civil War straight, but in exchange it will require all of your time and a good piece of your soul.
Don’t be that hipster. Just give it back to Grandma.
In summary, don’t be annoying, ignorant or a hipster. Good luck.